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My understanding is that you’re not going to find a self hosted solution that makes use of SMS (not counting email to SMS gateways) because sending SMS programmatically requires a SMS gateway those aren’t cheap (think of Twilio). You can find many options for app-based notifications (push notifications usually) and email-based notifications as a workaround.
It’s useful to note that there exists Lemmy servers where down votes are not processed. So the high up vote to down vote ratio isn’t necessarily a reflection of people not down voting, it’s potentially a reflection of the servers that allow down votes along with all other servers (generally they all allow up votes).